This was the hardest venture… finding an illustrator who could see the exact vision that I had envisioned for my first book. I looked all around, asked friends, coworkers and acquaintances if they knew anyone who could draw, and had experience in graphic designing. Some knew them, but everyone had their own time, and I wasn’t waiting for anyone to do me any favours. Long story short, I could find someone who’s work that drew me in and the rest was history.
I’ll explain further what the colour schemes were, the reasons behind the art, and the symbolisms of each placement.
I’ll just start off by saying that this is my first book. It’s a chapbook, so there won’t be a lot of pages. The maximum number of pages there will be is 43 to 44 pages with the sum of 18 poems. I say that range because I’m publishing this on both Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and there’s an extra page on Barnes & Noble.
The season of last summer was bittersweet for me — things just came and went. My birthday falls in July… another year of life that’s worth celebrating, meanwhile my Uncle’s in the hospital fighting for his with Cancer. Even while I took the week off to celebrate my birthday, it was hard to ignore the fact that this may be it for my Uncle; I didn’t know when, I just knew it would come, and four days after my birthday, he passed away. It seemed to be the finale of that week with my birthday.
Death puts things into perspective. Last year, especially during the summer, I was trying to find myself creative wise. I attempted to practice playing the keyboards (still an ongoing process), painted, sketched, began doing pottery, started singing again, and writing short stories that eventually turned into poetry.
Growing up, I was always fond of poetry. I just didn’t know how to write it. It gets a bad rap for being a snobby form of creative writing, with the stereotype of having to bring a dictionary to look up fancy words hard to pronounce and intimidate many. Also, there’s that stereotype of having to rhyme per sentence and paragraph, which is beyond false. Some of the best and most notable poets barely rhymed in their poems (Maya Angelou, Emily Dickinson, Langston Hughes, etc.). The misconception of feeling out of place for the reader, creates the imposter syndrome not appealing to the general crowd. However, through trauma, I finally got it.
All these pent-up frustrations of why I made it feel as if I couldn’t breathe. Anxiety’s a bitch for real. There were times where I felt like I couldn’t breathe, over hyperventilating, other times it was just pure worrying. I’d worry about when and where I would have the seizure. Would it be at work? At home? While I’m out for a run, or worst event full of people? A concert, the movies, crossing the street? What about at the groceries? It was no longer me being afraid of the nocturnal seizures that I’ve had before. All thoughts let to my demise. Just trying to navigate this change in my life has been an uphill battle. Most days are good. I release the frustrations through journaling, being outdoors, going for a run, laughing, spending time with family and friends, and just being creative, but I felt mad and sad.
So, with the evolution of my writing, I journaled. The journaling inspired me to write short stories… specifically horror themed stories, in which led to writing poems. I know that’s an ironic order— from horror short stories to poems, but this was the case I couldn’t control the journey.
I didn’t want to just start off by the struggles of being black, because we all know that struggle. Despite it, I wanted to state the message of the struggles of mental health, having an invisible disability, being a woman while being black. It was a message that we’re human and we struggle too.
I’m 90 percent finished with this book. I have the cover-page; I’ve reedited the manuscript while cutting down several poems (from 30 to 18 poems). The colour theme of the cover page will be purple, which is the colour to bring awareness on Epilepsy.
Creatively, there’s joy in expressing the trauma. Overall, my life has not been an easy journey besides this condition, but I’ve always pushed forward. Poems are not about fancy words and rhyming per sentence and paragraph, it’s about painting words to a canvas creating a mental picture, in formation to any aesthetic you want in whatever rhythm you’d like.
I’m not even sure how good the poems are, but this risk is something I need to do for myself to feed into my goal of publishing a book, in my own terms and creative control. I’m not expecting this to sell a million copies (although the money would help and I’d welcome it greatly), but I hope it reaches someone who’s struggling with whatever. Because that’s the whole point:
The writer connecting with the reader.
The name of my book: The Lover’s Pool (Out June 14th)
The future of this blog will be somewhat different from what I’ve done in the past.
I’m excited about the chapter on this blog. Recently, I’ve been doing different projects that include writing poetry, but here I’m ready to create a series of articles.
I’ll still be covering the topics that interest me, but I’ll write them in a series format. The main topics that I will be covering are:
Black vs Feminist
Invisible Disabilities
Music
Fashion
Being Bougie while on a Budget ( or Budgeted Bougie Bitch)
Culture and Stereotypes
These topics will not be in order, but I promise that this will be not only informal but fun and entertaining. I really want to push myself more than I’ve ever done before.
Hammer Style Girl 